Monday, February 17, 2014

"Tough year so far then, huh?"

"Tough year so far then, huh?" He said after I told him about losing my own place, having no money coming in, the overwhelming desire to end my own sorry excuse for an existence, and no foreseeable job opportunities.

I smiled then, not because it was a defensive action to a hopeless situation, but because I never should have made it this far. I had felt as if my flower had withered, my leaves long since fallen off and churned into nothing more than dust in the breeze, roots rotten and gone. Yet here I am, standing in 2014 with a warmth I had long since given up hope of finding filling me with the desire to remain, to become greater than my past has allowed, to live.

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Fuck it

I just wish I could forget about her. Forget her name, her smell, her smile. I can't bring myself to delete the bookmarks, to block her...